I Don't Wanna!

Lately, it has been hard for me to keep doing the things that make me happy. I am always amazed at how I can go from feeling perfectly happy and content to feeling like a prettier version of Jabba the Hut (by that, I mean I turn into a lazy slug).

Of course, there is always a reason for the crash - PMS, not enough sunshine, sickness, tiredness, boredom, busyness, and the Tyranny of the Shoulds. You do know about the Tyranny of the Shoulds don't you? Well, in case you don't, it means that your life gets taken over by all the things that you should be doing and aren't. Or if you are doing them, you feel that you aren't doing them well enough. Also, you feel guilt. Lots and lots of guilt. It's not fun.

Recently I decided that I should walk/run three miles a day. That meant doubling the amount of time I exercise. At first I was really devoted to the idea. My devotion lasted two days. So then I felt guilty.

Another thing I recently decided is that I should read three pages of my scriptures before exercising. This messed up my exercise routine. But spirituality is just as important, if not more important than physical health so I forced my new plan on my self. I didn't really pay attention to my reading and then I was late getting to the exercising. The guilt was now doubled. Also, it was only 6:30 in the morning and I no longer had any desire to get out of bed. I would force myself, but the cheerfulness was definitely gone

I also had the great idea to do a better job at keeping the kitchen clean. This is a really good goal. But I wanted to keep it always clean. There are six people who mess up the kitchen and only two of them clean it up without being asked to. It's my own fault. I should have done a better job at teaching my kids responsibility and cleanliness. Oh the guilt is getting thick now! And to make it even better, I made the goal of not hassling the mess makers in my old way of getting grouchy and mean (although it was very effective). So if I get mad, it comes with another dose of guilt. Lose-lose-lose.

Also, I haven't been doing the Rosetta Stone so much. First I felt guilty for spending so much time working on it. Then I felt guilty because I wasn't spending enough time on it. And I was having a hard time understanding the grammar so I bought some books to help me. Well books can't help you if you don't read them, so I set up a study plan to to become a better student of the Korean language. I decided that I should work on the Rosetta Stone course for a certain amount of time every day. And that I should study the Korean text books for a certain amount of time every day. Then I thought I should be speaking Korean for a set time every day and reading it, and writing it..... OH! Now my head hurts. Honestly, what was I thinking?

Here are some other goals I think I should have-

I should do the laundry every day.
I should prepare delicious, healthy, low-calorie, economical meals every night.
I should make Bento box lunches for my entire family every day.
I should train to run a 5k.

Last week it was announced that Eunhyuk would be leaving Kiss the Radio. I was so sad. But then he put this  picture and statement on twitter -

“Putting down everything in order to find something better, need to face (the new challenge) with a more prudent and hardworking attitude. Although there were matters that were difficult to decide on, I will not regret ^ ^. Hope that I’ll become someone that continues to develop everyday…Fighting! SJ-M fighting!”

And then suddenly it became clear to me, Just like Eunhyuk, I cannot do everything. Or at least not all at once. He is giving up his radio show in order to fulfill his responsibilities to Super Junior-M. Maybe he will leave the two TV shows that he is on every week. I don't know. What I do know is that he is pursuing one goal with steadfast determination. I think he might even feel guilty about leaving the radio show. He sounds kind of sad to me. But it's OK because he know what he wants.

And deep inside I know what I want. I want to get healthy no matter how long it takes. And I want to learn Korean. What I don't want is deadlines and have to's. I like having lists and plans but in reality that kind of linear approach does not work for me. I do much better I when follow a passion as it leads through the twists and turns of life. This is a lesson that I've learned the hard way. I should respect and love myself enough to allow myself to grow in a way that works for me.

Hello, my name is Neela and I'm a soda-aholic

On September 15, 2010 I had my last taste of soda. It was an exciting day for me because it meant that I got to buy the Rosetta Stone Korean version to learn (what else?) Korean. I'm really glad I gave up pop to have something so much better.

But that said, I really miss Dr. Pepper and Cherry Coke. And by miss them, I mean that I long for them at least once a week. Sometimes more often. And by long for them I mean I can almost taste them and feel them in my mouth, providing me with a fake jolt of carbonated bliss.

There are many places where I feel this longing - when I go out to eat, if I am in the grocery store, when I get up in the morning, if I feel tired during the day, when I watch TV, when I read a book, if I eat something sweet, if I eat something salty, and if I go to the movies.  It's the very worst at a movie. What is salty, buttery popcorn with without cold, sweet, fizzy pop? Sometimes water just doesn't cut it.

I see a pop machine and I am immediately in crave mode. It is completely evil that in order to get water at many eating establishments you have to get it from a pop machine. Come on! It is a mental challenge for me to choose the right and not "accidentally" get some pop by mistake.

And then there are all the people in my life who drink pop on a regular basis. Dude-Man used to buy it by the case and has mercifully stopped. But he gets cranky when I drink his Perrier. Grrr. The Boy goes off with his friends and buys many 2 liter bottles when they hang out at our place. If it's Mountain Dew it's OK because the color alone is enough to make me want to retch. But then he has the audacity to buy Dr. Pepper. The nerve of that guy! But the worst one of the bunch is my sister.

In the beginning she was very supportive of me and would refrain from drinking pop in my presence. After a few weeks she started using again. It's not like pop is illegal and I could stop her. I would grit my teeth, think positive thoughts about water, and smile sweetly at her, pretending like it didn't matter.

For awhile I was going along OK. I wasn't craving pop so much as just wanting it. But then my sister just had to kick it up a notch. She started asking me to get her pop for her. And not diet, caffeine-free stuff either. No! It's always Dr. Pepper or Cherry Coke. Full of sugar and full of caffeine. I used to change that girl's diapers and this is how she repays me!!!

Well, for the last month she has been taking a boot camp class to get fit. And part of getting fit is to eat healthy food. Now, she has developed complex mathematical algorithms to determine the healthiest food choices to be had. Hallelujah! Dr. Pepper and Cherry Coke do not make the cut. The only problem is that today was the last day of class.

I foresee trouble in the next week. Will her algorithms have enough sway over her to pull her from the clutches of my nemesis? Will she go back to her pre-boot camp soda swilling ways and tempt me with her seductive sips of soda? Or will my will-power hold out and I will finally be free of the siren call of soda? Only time will tell.

iPod Wars

I love my iPod and here is a picture of it -

Dude-Man got it for me for our anniversary 2 years ago. It's so cute and orange and full of Kpop. What is Kpop? Kpop is the music that I'm constantly listening to. Kpop is not just Super Junior in it's many incarnations, it is way more than that.

It's also Miss A - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTnwjlDhAY4&hd=1 

And Big Bang -  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQjcJBGIFsA&hd=1

Then there is  f(x) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnz2n5VcV4Q&hd=1

Oh, can't forget Shinee - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dww9UjJ4Dt8&hd=1


So now you've had a taste of Kpop. I hope you liked it.

Not everyone in my household is a fan of the Kpop. The Boy in particular doesn't like it. This causes some problems on the home front.

When we are driving, the rule is that the driver gets to choose the music. Since The Boy doesn't like to drive and hasn't gotten his license yet, I do most of the driving. And when I drive I listen to Kpop. And I listen to it LOUD. He doesn't like it and often tries to turn the tunes to a more manageable level. Fortunately for me, technology is on my side and I can turn up the music by touching a button on the steering wheel.

Battle won by MOM!

When we are at home and I'm cooking or cleaning I typically have my iPod on. And of course it is Kpop blaring from the speakers. The Boy will then go to his room and turn his music up, and up, and UP. Then I either let him win or I close his door.

Battle won by The Boy or by MOM!

When the rest of the family is around things get dicier. Everyone has an iPod. And everyone believes that their music is the best. Giggles is content to listen to her music in her room and doesn't think music is worth battling over. But the others ones.... If you leave the room and your iPod was playing when you left, there is a very good chance that your iPod will be replaced.

The funniest is when The Crafty One or Moli replace my iPod. We have the EXACT same music! We all love the Kpop. "No, Mom! Not YOURS! I've got better stuff on mine!" OR "I have my playlist set-up better than yours." Or other such nonsense. It is ridiculous.

And heaven helps us if we try to travel together for any length time in one vehicle. Dude-Man likes driving with music on. He likes many types of music. He tolerates the Kpop. Within 30 seconds of departure The Boy (in the way back) will start asking to have the music turned down. Of course The Crafty One and Moli want the music turned up. But not before Moli switches the iPod that is playing for her own iPod. So then Dude-Man works his technical magic and there is no sound in the speakers in the way back. This causes The Crafty One to beg for music on her side of the van. Dude-man acquiesces to her request which causes the boy to put on his headphones and start to listen to his own music. He has to turn his music up VERY LOUDLY so he can drown out the other music which is offensive to him. In a burst of sisterly concern, The Crafty One hassles The Boy to turn down his music, but to no avail. By now we are at the end of our street (about 250 feet).

As we continue on our journey there will be peace for a time. (Hurrah!) But then there will be a shift in the atmosphere and the bickering resumes. The Boy thinks it's his turn to have his iPod played. Within moments of the exchange someone will have a headache. There will be more technical magic performed by Dude-Man  but this time to no avail. Harsh words will be said, someone will cry or wail, I will start flailing and threaten to take off some of my clothes, the music will be turned off, and we will arrive at our destination in silence.

Battle won by no one. Sigh.

"Furs" and Ruffles

I wasn't really groovin' with new look for Super Junior M. But what's the name of my blog? Oh, yeah! What Would Super Junior Do? So I asked myself that very question and I decided that they would copy the style and take a few pictures. So that's what I did -

Ruffles? Check! Furry hat? Check! I think I could fit in, especially since there seems to be a spot for me tucked between Eunhyuk and Donghae (back row, just to the left of center). Too bad I am photoshop ignorant.

Oh well. And I don't take serious pictures very well either. I like this one the best -

And my opinion of ruffles and fur hats? They rock!

It's PERFECT!

Today a new Super Junior M music video is out. And it's hot! Which is surprising because of all the ruffles and fur hats and eyeliner. Did I mention ruffles and fur hats? Yeah... I've gotten over the whole eyeliner thing. Well at least for guys in music videos.

Anyway, this is a pretty catchy tune and if you don't like it then maybe your kids will. But this mama LOVES it and her kids think it's OK. This surprises me since they were the original Super Junior lovers in this house. Oh well. Watch for yourself and enjoy -

Gratitiude - A Sunday Thing

These posts are starting to feel a little like, "What I Did for My Summer Vacation" essays. Except that I never had to write one. But anyway, they feel forced. Or at least they do to me. I think I'm only going to do them once a month instead of attempting to do them every week.

With that said, this week I'm grateful for Sunshine!

The second thing I'm grateful for is temperatures in the 50's!

And the third thing I'm grateful for is all the funny, clever people who put hilarious things on YouTube-




And I'm also grateful for the people who find funny things on YouTube and put them on their blogs so that I can enjoy them too. (YouTubube video found via The Binge Lady http://bingelady.blogspot.com/)

As always I'm grateful for my home, my family, and my faith - 

  
and don't forget Super Junior!

21 days to a New Habit? It's a Lie!

Experts will tell you that it takes doing something 21 times for it to become a habit. Ha! First, I want to know who these experts are. And second, what exactly are they using for a definition of a habit? Never in my life has this "sage" advice worked.

OK, so the expert part. Have you ever noticed that the people who make the 21 day claim say it like it's some fact written in stone without ever actually trying it for themselves? I think that at day 21 they said, "Hey, I'm sick of keeping track of this habit. I don't think I will go back to my old ways. Done." Then they let it fade from memory and happily assume that they have a new habit.

Now the definition of a habit (as defined by dictionary.com)-  an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary. That's the kind of definition I'm talking about. I don't think the "experts" are using this definition. I think the definition they are using is something like this- a new behavior done repetitively. They forget about the "almost involuntary" part.


Most habits that I can think of are negative ones. Like mindless eating. Or sucking your thumb. Picking your nose. Hair twirling. Leaving your backpack on the couch. Stripping off your clothes as soon as you get home (your partner may or may not like that one, but your kids hate it). You get it.

The point is, that at some level these bad habits give you an instant pay off that you need. New, good habits do not do this. If it's a new, bad habit, you are probably being rewarded for it in some way almost immediately. New, good habits are HARD!!! They require a lot of work and effort. They take you completely outside of your comfort zone. They do not give you the same kind of pay off that bad habits do. And 21 days is not enough time to ingrain these things into you so much so that stopping would make you feel desperate to continue doing them.


I must confess that I do not have any good habits. I have bad habits that I'm trying to overcome. I do good things on a regular basis, some more regularly than others. And I'm trying really hard to establish some good habits. 


The one I'm closest on is making my bed. In my 40+ years of living, making my bed has never been a priority of any kind. I decided in September that I needed a self-esteem boost and that one way to do that is to feel like you accomplish some thing everyday. Making the bed is easy so I decided to work on that. 21 days later it was still a hassle to make it. 60 days later I was still squabbling with Dude-Man about who should have to do it on weekends (Have you ever seen a baby having a fit because someone won't suck his thumb for him on the weekend? I think not!). It's now been over 150 days (I counted) and while it gives me great satisfaction to see my bed made and I no longer get grouchy about doing it on the weekends and I even have it mostly made before I even get out of bed (I'm very clever); I will let it go if I'm sick. I know I should cut myself some slack but I'm just being honest here. Thumb-suckers, hair-twirlers, compulsive eaters, nose pickers, back pack slingers, and nudists feel wrong when they don't suck, twirl, eat, pick, sling, or disrobe. Maybe I will never get there when it comes to making my bed. And, I'm actually OK with that.


Here are some things that I'm working on (with varying degrees of success) to make new, good habits in my lifetime- exercise, making healthy food choices, wearing make-up, getting dressed every day (pajamas don't count), brushing my teeth, doing the dishes, reading scriptures, saying positive things to my family, cooking dinner, doing my hair, putting away my stuff, doing nice things without being asked (something I wish my kids did- hint, hint), speaking/reading/listening to Korean every day, and nurturing our bank account into a state of abundance.

Whoa! That sentence was really long! And that's a lot of stuff! The nice thing about life is that everyday you get a chance to try again. When I let something go I ask myself if it's something that's still important to me and if it is I get up and do it. Right then. I have made my bed right before getting in it. Exercised after showering. Thrown away a poor food choice before I finished eating it. Put make-up on at 7pm. Gotten dressed at 5pm. Brushed my teeth at noon. Read one verse of scripture by the light of my ipod. You get the picture.

Now I'm not saying all of this to sound like a perfect, dedicated person. I am sooo far from that. But I have given myself permission to love myself and take care of myself in whatever way that works on that particular day. I don't hold to any diets or exercise plans. No month-by-month home organizing plan. Not even Dude-Man gets a say in how I should accomplish my goals. And I think that if you are thinking of something that you would like to tackle in your own life then do it! I'd love to cheer you on.

And when the going gets tough I just think of this guy-

  Why? Because he is always so positive and nice. And he's funny. So very funny. When the going gets tough I get all grouchy and mean. Laughing melts all that bad karma away. And then I listen to this song-
Super Junior - Here We Go.mp3

So now that you have something to think about, a nice picture of a really positive person (Eunhyuk), and a fun song to listen to, go forth and accomplish!

Party On Friend!